The Erotic Blueprints are a system that reveals how your body is uniquely wired to experience sensation and pleasure — think the 5 Love Languages but for sex!

Each category or “blueprint” represents a variety of different ways of playing, being, and acting to express eroticism— each with its own set of turn-ons, superpowers, and shadows.

Ultimately, people speak different erotic languages, and with practice, we can learn how to speak any of them.

Discovering your Blueprint begins with asking deeper questions about your relationship with sex, intimacy, and pleasure.

Turn-ons: Tease, anticipation, longing, eye contact, and deep presence. Almost touching or kissing can be highly arousing. You might love crystals, sound baths, Tantra, breath work, yoga, or meditation. You find pleasure through stillness and silence. You crave to be fully known, seen, and felt by your partners. For you, sex is about more than just the physical body — it’s about connecting with the soul. Sex feels meaningful, spiritual, and sacred. 

Superpowers: You’re intuitive and empathic— often very attuned to the needs and desires of others. You’re sensitive to the energetic fields of people and spaces and can have “hands-free” orgasms by playing with your awareness and willpower alone. You’re an expert at sensing and knowing what partners need to feel loved and satisfied. You can often feel more turn-on and arousal without being touched!

Shadows: You can be judgmental or hierarchical. Sometimes you feel like you know what’s best when it comes to sex. “My way is better than your way”. You can easily shut down or “short circuit” if you feel your partner is distracted or not fully present, or if arousal and pleasure start to feel too intense. Because you’re so sensitive and care deeply about your partner’s experience, you may not speak up about your own needs and can easily feel “stepped over” or unseen.

Turn-ons: Having all of your senses ignited. You have a love for delicious food, beautiful music, elegant textures, colorful flowers, caressing massage, and lingering or contouring touch. Cuddling, snuggling, skin-to-skin contact, romantic kissing, dancing, slowness, and laying side-by-side with your partner can be very arousing for you. 

Superpowers: You know how to create impeccable spaces as you have incredible attention to detail. You enjoy moving slowly and can find profound pleasure in savoring the present moment. Smelling a pungent flower, noticing all the textures and flavors of a decadent meal, or listening to a enlivening music can be incredibly nourishing. You can have full-body orgasms when your body and senses are touched in just the right ways. 

Shadows: Perfectionism. If things aren’t “just right” you can easily shut down and get “stuck in your head”. If the lights are too bright, or the music is off, or the laundry isn’t folded, it can be hard for you to relax enough to feel any pleasure or sensation at all. You might struggle with speaking up about how much time, space, or slowness you require before sex— sometimes feeling like you’re “too much”. It can be easy for you to step over your own needs and acquiesce to your partner’s desires.

Turn-ons: Nudity, genital touch, penetration, and orgasm! You love directness and certainty. Being told or promised you’ll get to climax feeds you. You’re very comfortable with sweat, smells, and bodily fluids. You love the naturalness and rawness of sex. Having sex is simply another beautiful part of what it means to be human!

Superpowers: Sex feels fun, simple, and easy for you. It’s a basic need— just like eating food or drinking water. Having sex helps you feel grounded and regulated. When it’s consistent and reliable, it makes you feel like yourself. You’re often always ready to have sex and can go from “0-60” without any preparation. You like to have sex in all kinds of places and spaces! Nothing will get in your way when you and your partner are “ready to go”. 

Shadow: Because sex feels like such a strong need, you can sometimes be too fast or direct with others who require more time, space, and build-up. Your energy can feel too strong or “pushy” for those who need softness and stillness. If you’re primarily sexual, you might get stuck in narrow views about sex. “Having sex means penetration and orgasm” and therefore you only feel like you’ve had sex when you reach that goal. The complex needs of the other Blueprints can be frustrating and exhausting for you.

Turn-ons: You love playing with your edges and breaking the rules! Departing from social norms by exploring forbidden fantasies, secrets, taboos, fears, or pain with safety and consent can be deeply pleasurable and transformational. 

Superpowers: Creativity, imagination, and acceptance. You’re an expert at finding pleasure through creating fantastical worlds and scenarios to explore boundaries, edges, and your deepest desires. You might enjoy things like domination and submission, surrendering your power, being watched, primal play, or role-playing with erotic personas. Your ability to communicate your needs and create safety with others is unparalleled. You might also enjoy all kinds of physical sensations: spanking, ropes, restraints, heat, cold, flogging, or anything that allows you to drop more into your body. Your ability to accept yourself and others no matter what they’re into can be profoundly healing and freeing. 

Shadow: You might carry deep shame around your sexuality and your desires. You might judge yourself or others for being “too weird, too dark, or too out there”. Shame and judgment stop you from being fully expressed or connected. But with this shame comes an incredible opportunity to discover true self-love and acceptance.

Turn-ons: You enjoy playing and “dancing” in all the Blueprints! You can get aroused by a variety of sensations, experiences, and touch— all at the same time. You can jump from stillness and slowness to wrestling and role-playing, to cuddling and kissing, to f*cking and loving making—  all in one go! For you, sex is a world full of never-ending possibilities.

Superpowers: You have an expansive erotic appetite. You’re adventurous, open to exploration, and can enjoy sex for hours and hours! Because you can find pleasure and orgasm in so many different ways— you’re an expert at meeting others for where they’re at. You’re an excellent lover and seeker of pleasure. You have very few limits. 

Shadows: Because you have such a big appetite, you may feel like you’re “too much”. You might not speak up about what you really want as you question if your partners are willing to be as adventurous as you. Your partners might walk away from sex feeling fully satisfied while you’re quietly starving and wanting more. More time, more nuance, more pleasure, more all of it. Sometimes your complexity or insatiable sex drive can be confusing for you and others.